7 is a magic number

A few years ago I did an audition for an opera academy. I was not accepted. They accepted some other tenor that now is not doing so well. But that’s beside the point and I really don’t care about him. What pissed me off all those years ago is that they could not recognize my talent or the possibilities of development, even thought the voice was not in a shape and for they (or I on the other hand) wanted. So I was not in… Which is not necessarely for the worse.

The years have passed and I have done my things. I always loved being on stage. It was obvious already when I was dancing. I love the attention of the people not so much that I could show off, but more in the sense of artistry.

A few days ago we had a run through of the opera that I’m doing now. Offenbach (btw: the director became a much nicer person, but if something goes wrong, it’s still my fault, ha-ha … But I have good colleague singers who tell him that it’s not). One of the colleagues invited also his "friend", who is the artistic director of the very same aforementioned academy. I was not particularly pleased also since we’re rehearsing without décor, costumes, make-up and with only piano accompaniment. So one really cannot get the best of the pictures about what we actually do. But the gentleman came anyway and I was surprisingly calm. I had nothing to prove. I just wanted to do the best of what we've been rehearsing all those weeks.

The run-through went smoothly, no big mistakes, and it’s becoming a nice comedy. On that subject: it was the first time we had audience and it was the first time that someone laughed to the jokes we did on stage. Some of them are really cool and are very funny indeed. But it became obvious that laughter is a very contagious state and that we started to smile with the audience. No really laugh, but it’s hard to keep a stone face of the character you’re playing while the whole room is laughing. Not to myself: do not laugh with them. It’s also this that makes them laugh.

After any kind of performance I just want to disappear. I don’t want to look people’s in the eyes because I don’t want them to feel obliged to say something to me. Most of all compliments. I hate compliment-fishers.

Anyway the director came to me and was full of compliments. I finally found ground under my feet, my voice is stable and centred, and mostly I’m a born actor. He was genuinely flabbergasted. I offered myself (yes I have learned a few tricks over the years) for his future productions (thinking it won’t come to anything anyway, but it would make me feel better) and he said he’ll definitely think of me.

After a while we got talking again and he said that he’s actually a tenor short for the next production of the Poulenc’s opera Dialogues des Carmelites (In my opinion it's one of the best operas. The story is absolutely shocking and the last scene is a killer read further down! The background of the opera is also a difficult one. The librettist was dying of cancer when he wrote the libretto and Poulenc's boyfriend was dying while he was composing this masterpiece. Needless to say all the nuns in the opera die and Poulenc’s boyfriend died shortly after the opera was finished ...).

So he suggested I would take one of the principal roles (certainly the principal male role) in the next production! Now it was ME who was flabbergasted!!! I went to see him the day after, still thinking he would have changed his mind (talking about self-confidence!)… But he didn’t so in September I start doing the Carmelites. Hurrah!

My first encounter with the opera was on the plane to Caracas.

The story is about a marquis, his son chevalier (me) and daughter Blanche. The year is 1789 in France, so not a good time for noble people. Blanche decides to enter into the service of God and becomes a member of the Carmelite order. The Terror regime finds them all guilty of treason and sentences them all to guillotine.

What I heard on the plane was the last scene, where they all slowly approach the scaffold and sing Salve Regina. When the first blade fell down and the first nun was decapitated I almost had a hart attack. The plane was flying over the dark ocean during the night, the lights in the plane were dimmed and only here and there one could hear distant talking or even whispering. And the fell the second blade. My heart stopped again. All those minutes untill the end of the opera, till the last of the Carmelites mounts the scaffold and if is of course Blanche, and till her soft singing is interrupted by the lethal guillotine, I was completely blown away by the music, the story and general situation. There came a silence and tears started to flow down my cheeks.

And now I will perform it. Absolutely surreal feeling of awe and respect.

It's been a week since we started the opera rehearsals. I took it VERY easy in the beginning of the week. We first had musical rehearsals and then on Monday we started with the directions (I still did not know thing by heart at that point, so some emergency memorising was in place). I think that most of directors are actually fuck-wits, pathetic men without their personal life and generally annoying people. This is also true for our director.

Since we've started there was not one single thing that would be to his liking. I am generally not a singer who would be compliment-hunting the whole time. I do however need to know if I do something OK and what would that be and what I need to change and make better. And not that I am bitched at the whole godamn time! What I hate above all is that I am told one day I should to something in a certain way and the next day get shit ‘cause I did it the way he told me a day before. Please, mister, make up your mind !

Why did I especially decided to write about today? After a week of extensive rehearsals, he actually said I said something well… IMAGINE! With quickly adding that I still need to work hard on the rest of the things.

I actually have to play 3 different roles, while still being one and the same person. A bit confusing... We only did 2 for the time being and I admit I could not really establish the difference between them. Today after some good thinking and after we’ve run through all 3 scenes I finally understood what I need to do. Apply different posture, different tone of voice, different gestures. Not only that I have to do them, but also how to do them. Am really happy. Tomorrow we do the scene where I have to dress up as a violent Spaniard (who speaks Slovenian, go figure) and I already have thought about how to portray this. We'll see said the blind man.

I really should not be too afraid in suggesting my own characters; afraid to be rejected. That the director will not like it. I finally think we CAN work together and make a good performance. And that’s what matters. People who pay to go and see opera are certainly not interested in the behind the scenes problems.

And there certainly are some problems: the director does not like ANY of the costumes that the costumier had made. NONE. Not the colours, the fabrics, the cuts… NOTHING. That I call bad organising. Poor lady. She’s so sweet. Ah let’s hope for the best, shall we?

I decided to post this post in English on both of my blogs (and it's just a bit more comfy for me).

I few days ago The Netherlands was shocked by a horrible deed. The whole thing came to the media attention when the Dutch authorities arrested four men in a sex-crime investigation in the northern city of Groningen. Now read this (!):

They were having a private gay sex party (gang bang). Which is among gay "culture" not so uncommon. However, three of the men were suspected of drugging male victims and abusing them during this party. Not only are the three HIV-positive and they had unsafe sex with the until still unknown number of other man. What they did is, they withdrew their own infected blood and mixed it into a deadly cocktail and injected it into the other wretched men!

The motive to do this was the 'kick' and the feeling that unsafe sex is 'pure'! WTF???

Prosecution spokesman Paul Heidanus said Thursday that the two who confessed would face charges of rape and "premeditated severe assault," which carries a maximum sentence of 16 years in prison. He said they would not be charged with attempted murder "because of a Supreme Court ruling that found AIDS should no longer be seen as an inevitably fatal disease, but rather a chronic illness."

"The victims said they had had been made helpless or unconscious and then abused," a police statement said. "They had involuntary and unsafe sex with one or more of the suspects."

All of the victims said they believed they had been infected with HIV as a result.

What I don't understand is in general the whole gang bang sex, but people are different and who am I to judge other people's life style.
Second thing is: if you go to a bareback party like this you know that you can get infected, 'cause you have sex with the men you don't know and therefore do not know whether they are safe or not. And some sick people get a kick out of that. But again: it's their life and if they want to fuck and get terminally ill as a result of it I don't care. And also: if you have sex with HIV-positive person you don't necessarily 100% certain get the virus. So it's a kind of a Russian roulette. Only with sex rather then a gun.
What I don't get is that you deliberately infect other people and enjoy it. And that you do not get life sentence for it!

Needless to say I was utterly and completely shocked when I read this news.

A few days ago I got a call.

It was a harpist. She plays arpa doppia, lirone and other interesting old instruments.

And she said: I'd like to do a concert with you. I really like how you sing and perform.
Wow, magnificent.
I say: Perfect, no problem, I'd love that.
She: Do you have time on 20th July.
I am thinking what I have and what not. I know I have some opera rehealsals.
Then she continues: 2008.
Me: What? Hahaha, sure I have!

That's that then. We met already and talked about the repertoire. We'll perform on he Wold harp Congress in Amsterdam 2008.

I love having concerts!

The pregnant Swiss darling, Milady and I had a concert on Sunday. It was a nice chappel close to Leiden. And it went very nicely indeed. Apart from the fact that I kept forgeting the goddamn text and sang pseudo-German in a song that I've been singing already for a very long time. But it's typically me. (a note to myself): It is high time I change that and start preparing more thoroughly. Starting now with Britten's wonderful Cradle Song... I have to sing it tomorrow and though I've been doing it for the last month and a half, that I've recorded it, I still doubt with some of the words.

Anyway, what I loved about the concert was, that after it was all done and over, and we were sitting in the changing room, the organizer came, visibly pleased with what we did. He then gave us 4,50€ in change. Ok.... hmmmm He said that a lady in the audience liked the concert very much and decided to give us a tip! How sweet! That never happened to me... The tip is not big, considering it was the 3 of us, but it is the mere gesture that is so rewarding. We split the money.

Today is May 8th. A day when Germany capitulated. In 1945 that is. I read this today and found it really funny:

Why did Britain not become fascist between the wars? The obvious reason is that the British temperament is inhospitable of fascism. Fascism calls for ardour and common purpose, whereas the British are by nature disgruntled, unhopeful, individualistic and suspicious of ideas.
They do not like being organized, and they have a keen sense of the ridiculous, which is lethal to fascism.
One man rule has never attracted them. As early as 1649 they were obliged to chop Charles I's had off to bring this point to his attention.

John Carey

I knew it.

I knew that recording is going to be a horrible experience. Well it was not THAT dreadful, it's just that one always wants to do one's best. Which is the worst thing one can actually do.

We had from 10:30 to 17:00 to record whatever we want. I've never been in a studio before though I have sang in very dry places. Which was not the worst thing. It's that tinny microphone, that little devil that records all the flaws and all the little imperfections. It scared the shit out of me. And then I wanted to do my best. Argh....

We still managed to record 10 songs. Which is quite something. And Milady was just the best sport. I had a drama fit. I believe only appropriate when one is in a recording studio and not all is going well... ;)

The CD is not (that) bad. It's not what I thought it would be. Oh well, cannot have it all, ah? Next time it's going to be perfect! Just marvelous....

The goddamn NS!


Today was one of the rare days that I actually came to the train station on time. Not only on time, I was 5 minutes early! Can you imagine!? Usually I make an Ato Boldon act and run to the train.


I sit pretty on the train, already reading "Metro", when the man on the speakers says: this train will not got any further, there were computer problems between Utrecht and Amsterdam. WTF!?!

So we all get off. No one really knows what the devil is going on.
And I really need to be in Amsterdam before 12 o'clock.

So I go and ask. They say: oh yes the problem is solved, get the train at 11:35. Fine.

Back to the platform 5. There's train to Nijmegen. The board on the platform changes to Amsterdam Centraal. We all board the train. As soon as I sit down the man on the speakers says: this is NOT the train to Amsterdam. FUCK!! So we all get of the train again.

Finally, to make a very long story short I came to my destination one hour to late. Which (if I don't count the time) cost me E30!

Will the glorious NS pay for that? Of course not. Sometimes I really ahve the feeling I live in a 3rd world country!

One of Sneferu's pyramids: the Bent pyramid. He built the first big pyramids.

How do you entertain a bored pharoah?


Sail a boatload of young women dressed in fishing nets down the Nile and tell him to go catch a fish.




An inscription on a slip of papyrus from the magician Djadjamankh to the paroah Sneferu (2600 BC), believed to be the oldest joke in the world, discovered by the British Museum's Egyptology department.

Coffee

I stoped drinking coffee at a certain point in my life, cause I thought I'm gonna gave a heart-attack. well it turned out that I was just stresses and my heart was telling that to me in a very alarming fashion. Fair enough. But what a goddamn drama queen, a?

Anyway, yesterday, reading my book I came across this wonderful passage:

Forty years ago, the Persian Shah Tahmasp, who was the archenemy of the Ottomans as well at the world's greatest patron-king of the art of painting, began to grow senile and lost his enthusiasm for wine, music, poetry and painting; futhermore, he quit drinking coffee, and naturally, his brain stoped working. [...]
One day when he had grown even older, he was possesed by jinn, had nevrous fit, and begging God's forgivness, completely swore off, wine, handsome young boys, and painting, which is proof enough that after this great shah lost his taste for coffee, he also lost his mind.

Orhan Pamuk: My name is Red

So I've been back for a looong time. And the problem with double-blogging is, that once you've shared some thoughts and put some energy into one blog, you really cannot be asked to write the very same thing on the other blog.

And that's preciselly what happened to me: I've put all our experiences and the wonderful trip with the pictures on my Slovenian blog, and feel strange translating it into the English one. For what is it, there are at least some pics there... I promisse, I will keep the English blog running with the Dutch news... ;)

Anyway, the trip was amazing! Everything was much more than we expected - the principle is: the less you expect the bigger the surprise! And it's exactly what happened. We loved Egypt, the culture, the food, people and country. We will definitely go back.

Also a very big BRAVO for the agency: Niletravel. We will definitely use their services again. Highly recommended.

Tomorrow we go home. What is home? Utrecht? Ljubljana? Slovenia is where my parents live. Utrecht is where my life is. Am still undecided. Don't want to decide just yet. I don't have to really...

Well, the new year has begun. I wonder what it will really bring.


There are things I really need to change! It's weird for me to think about New year's resolutions, cause I've never done that. I always saw the passing from one year to another in a very natural and non-complicated way. Yesterday is 2006 and today is 2007. So what.

But this year I feel the change. Is bizarre to explain the feeling. But I have a feeling I have to do things this year, otherwise it will become to late. I will miss things in my life. Things I will later regret.
Perhaps it’s just the fact I’m getting older, heh heh.

Anyway, we’re beginning the 2007 with a splash. We’re off to Egypt tomorrow!! Cairo, the dessert and oasis. I’ve been fascinated by Egyptian art ever since I was a kid. The whole mystery with the building of the pyramids, the whole splendid culture that ceased to exist, the hieroglyphs, which I find a fascinating writing, always aroused a lot of my interest. I was fascinated by Cleopatra and her beauty. Of course to me it was the beauty of Elizabeth Tayor in that epic portrayal of this famous Egyptian Queen. btw we watched the film a few days ago - 4 hours of actual film and another 2 hours of a documentary. Did not know it is the 2nd most expensive film ever made.

We’ll now it’s time to see all that!! It’ll be our first time in Africa. Hope the weather will be nice. And I can bargain. I'm so looking forward! Hurrah!

Another thing: Slovenia joined the Euro countries. Congratulation!

Well guys and gals, I guess I’ll post something when I come back from Africa. Take it easy! Big kiss.