It's been a week since we started the opera rehearsals. I took it VERY easy in the beginning of the week. We first had musical rehearsals and then on Monday we started with the directions (I still did not know thing by heart at that point, so some emergency memorising was in place). I think that most of directors are actually fuck-wits, pathetic men without their personal life and generally annoying people. This is also true for our director.

Since we've started there was not one single thing that would be to his liking. I am generally not a singer who would be compliment-hunting the whole time. I do however need to know if I do something OK and what would that be and what I need to change and make better. And not that I am bitched at the whole godamn time! What I hate above all is that I am told one day I should to something in a certain way and the next day get shit ‘cause I did it the way he told me a day before. Please, mister, make up your mind !

Why did I especially decided to write about today? After a week of extensive rehearsals, he actually said I said something well… IMAGINE! With quickly adding that I still need to work hard on the rest of the things.

I actually have to play 3 different roles, while still being one and the same person. A bit confusing... We only did 2 for the time being and I admit I could not really establish the difference between them. Today after some good thinking and after we’ve run through all 3 scenes I finally understood what I need to do. Apply different posture, different tone of voice, different gestures. Not only that I have to do them, but also how to do them. Am really happy. Tomorrow we do the scene where I have to dress up as a violent Spaniard (who speaks Slovenian, go figure) and I already have thought about how to portray this. We'll see said the blind man.

I really should not be too afraid in suggesting my own characters; afraid to be rejected. That the director will not like it. I finally think we CAN work together and make a good performance. And that’s what matters. People who pay to go and see opera are certainly not interested in the behind the scenes problems.

And there certainly are some problems: the director does not like ANY of the costumes that the costumier had made. NONE. Not the colours, the fabrics, the cuts… NOTHING. That I call bad organising. Poor lady. She’s so sweet. Ah let’s hope for the best, shall we?