7 is a magic number

A few years ago I did an audition for an opera academy. I was not accepted. They accepted some other tenor that now is not doing so well. But that’s beside the point and I really don’t care about him. What pissed me off all those years ago is that they could not recognize my talent or the possibilities of development, even thought the voice was not in a shape and for they (or I on the other hand) wanted. So I was not in… Which is not necessarely for the worse.

The years have passed and I have done my things. I always loved being on stage. It was obvious already when I was dancing. I love the attention of the people not so much that I could show off, but more in the sense of artistry.

A few days ago we had a run through of the opera that I’m doing now. Offenbach (btw: the director became a much nicer person, but if something goes wrong, it’s still my fault, ha-ha … But I have good colleague singers who tell him that it’s not). One of the colleagues invited also his "friend", who is the artistic director of the very same aforementioned academy. I was not particularly pleased also since we’re rehearsing without décor, costumes, make-up and with only piano accompaniment. So one really cannot get the best of the pictures about what we actually do. But the gentleman came anyway and I was surprisingly calm. I had nothing to prove. I just wanted to do the best of what we've been rehearsing all those weeks.

The run-through went smoothly, no big mistakes, and it’s becoming a nice comedy. On that subject: it was the first time we had audience and it was the first time that someone laughed to the jokes we did on stage. Some of them are really cool and are very funny indeed. But it became obvious that laughter is a very contagious state and that we started to smile with the audience. No really laugh, but it’s hard to keep a stone face of the character you’re playing while the whole room is laughing. Not to myself: do not laugh with them. It’s also this that makes them laugh.

After any kind of performance I just want to disappear. I don’t want to look people’s in the eyes because I don’t want them to feel obliged to say something to me. Most of all compliments. I hate compliment-fishers.

Anyway the director came to me and was full of compliments. I finally found ground under my feet, my voice is stable and centred, and mostly I’m a born actor. He was genuinely flabbergasted. I offered myself (yes I have learned a few tricks over the years) for his future productions (thinking it won’t come to anything anyway, but it would make me feel better) and he said he’ll definitely think of me.

After a while we got talking again and he said that he’s actually a tenor short for the next production of the Poulenc’s opera Dialogues des Carmelites (In my opinion it's one of the best operas. The story is absolutely shocking and the last scene is a killer read further down! The background of the opera is also a difficult one. The librettist was dying of cancer when he wrote the libretto and Poulenc's boyfriend was dying while he was composing this masterpiece. Needless to say all the nuns in the opera die and Poulenc’s boyfriend died shortly after the opera was finished ...).

So he suggested I would take one of the principal roles (certainly the principal male role) in the next production! Now it was ME who was flabbergasted!!! I went to see him the day after, still thinking he would have changed his mind (talking about self-confidence!)… But he didn’t so in September I start doing the Carmelites. Hurrah!

My first encounter with the opera was on the plane to Caracas.

The story is about a marquis, his son chevalier (me) and daughter Blanche. The year is 1789 in France, so not a good time for noble people. Blanche decides to enter into the service of God and becomes a member of the Carmelite order. The Terror regime finds them all guilty of treason and sentences them all to guillotine.

What I heard on the plane was the last scene, where they all slowly approach the scaffold and sing Salve Regina. When the first blade fell down and the first nun was decapitated I almost had a hart attack. The plane was flying over the dark ocean during the night, the lights in the plane were dimmed and only here and there one could hear distant talking or even whispering. And the fell the second blade. My heart stopped again. All those minutes untill the end of the opera, till the last of the Carmelites mounts the scaffold and if is of course Blanche, and till her soft singing is interrupted by the lethal guillotine, I was completely blown away by the music, the story and general situation. There came a silence and tears started to flow down my cheeks.

And now I will perform it. Absolutely surreal feeling of awe and respect.

It's been a week since we started the opera rehearsals. I took it VERY easy in the beginning of the week. We first had musical rehearsals and then on Monday we started with the directions (I still did not know thing by heart at that point, so some emergency memorising was in place). I think that most of directors are actually fuck-wits, pathetic men without their personal life and generally annoying people. This is also true for our director.

Since we've started there was not one single thing that would be to his liking. I am generally not a singer who would be compliment-hunting the whole time. I do however need to know if I do something OK and what would that be and what I need to change and make better. And not that I am bitched at the whole godamn time! What I hate above all is that I am told one day I should to something in a certain way and the next day get shit ‘cause I did it the way he told me a day before. Please, mister, make up your mind !

Why did I especially decided to write about today? After a week of extensive rehearsals, he actually said I said something well… IMAGINE! With quickly adding that I still need to work hard on the rest of the things.

I actually have to play 3 different roles, while still being one and the same person. A bit confusing... We only did 2 for the time being and I admit I could not really establish the difference between them. Today after some good thinking and after we’ve run through all 3 scenes I finally understood what I need to do. Apply different posture, different tone of voice, different gestures. Not only that I have to do them, but also how to do them. Am really happy. Tomorrow we do the scene where I have to dress up as a violent Spaniard (who speaks Slovenian, go figure) and I already have thought about how to portray this. We'll see said the blind man.

I really should not be too afraid in suggesting my own characters; afraid to be rejected. That the director will not like it. I finally think we CAN work together and make a good performance. And that’s what matters. People who pay to go and see opera are certainly not interested in the behind the scenes problems.

And there certainly are some problems: the director does not like ANY of the costumes that the costumier had made. NONE. Not the colours, the fabrics, the cuts… NOTHING. That I call bad organising. Poor lady. She’s so sweet. Ah let’s hope for the best, shall we?

I decided to post this post in English on both of my blogs (and it's just a bit more comfy for me).

I few days ago The Netherlands was shocked by a horrible deed. The whole thing came to the media attention when the Dutch authorities arrested four men in a sex-crime investigation in the northern city of Groningen. Now read this (!):

They were having a private gay sex party (gang bang). Which is among gay "culture" not so uncommon. However, three of the men were suspected of drugging male victims and abusing them during this party. Not only are the three HIV-positive and they had unsafe sex with the until still unknown number of other man. What they did is, they withdrew their own infected blood and mixed it into a deadly cocktail and injected it into the other wretched men!

The motive to do this was the 'kick' and the feeling that unsafe sex is 'pure'! WTF???

Prosecution spokesman Paul Heidanus said Thursday that the two who confessed would face charges of rape and "premeditated severe assault," which carries a maximum sentence of 16 years in prison. He said they would not be charged with attempted murder "because of a Supreme Court ruling that found AIDS should no longer be seen as an inevitably fatal disease, but rather a chronic illness."

"The victims said they had had been made helpless or unconscious and then abused," a police statement said. "They had involuntary and unsafe sex with one or more of the suspects."

All of the victims said they believed they had been infected with HIV as a result.

What I don't understand is in general the whole gang bang sex, but people are different and who am I to judge other people's life style.
Second thing is: if you go to a bareback party like this you know that you can get infected, 'cause you have sex with the men you don't know and therefore do not know whether they are safe or not. And some sick people get a kick out of that. But again: it's their life and if they want to fuck and get terminally ill as a result of it I don't care. And also: if you have sex with HIV-positive person you don't necessarily 100% certain get the virus. So it's a kind of a Russian roulette. Only with sex rather then a gun.
What I don't get is that you deliberately infect other people and enjoy it. And that you do not get life sentence for it!

Needless to say I was utterly and completely shocked when I read this news.